


The Passion of Our Hearts

by Keidrel



Series: Midnight Crackfics [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bee Movie References, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I am so sorry, please don't take this seriously I wrote it at midnight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-22 23:10:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6097043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keidrel/pseuds/Keidrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say love can appear in the strangest of places. Will this prove to be true, or will hearts end up broken?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Midnight Crackfics

It was raining. Hillary hated rain. It always reminded her of the sad days spent alone in apartment. The only thing that had brightened up her life was her daily Twinkie run. There was an old 24 hour convenience store near her apartment, so every night at 10:30 she would run there and buy one twinkie. It had been this way for the last 43 years, and Hillary doubted anything would change.

She was very wrong.

It was February 14, and Hillary spent another Valentine’s Day alone. The only thing that made her smile was the thought of pouring rain ruining young lover’s date plans. She glanced over at the clock and brushed her blond bangs out of her eyes. It was time for her Twinkie run. As Hillary jogged to the store, she allowed the cold rain to soak through her. There was no need to worry about a cold, after all. Her immune system was stronger than her nemesis Donald Trump’s wall. She entered the store, water dripping onto the floor, and made a beeline towards the twinkies. She clasped her head between her hands and dropped to the floor. There were so many, all beautifully plump and just begging for her to choose them. How could she ever decide? Then she saw it. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the perfect Twinkie. Its plastic wrapping shimmering in the LED lights, it spoke to her. She had to have it. She smiled, closing her eyes and stretched her arm out. Suddenly, her eyes flew open. That was definitely not the comforting smoothness of her beloved Twinkie wrapper, but… a hand? Not letting go, she glanced up and was met with the sight of the most beautiful pair of eyebrows she had seen in her entire life. She took in a breath as her cheeks flushed pink. “H-hello.” she whispered, averting her eyes from the beautiful eyebrows. The stranger said nothing, but continued to stare, causing Hillary to flush an even deeper shade of pink. “Why are you staring at me?” She asked meekly. The stranger blinked as if knocked out of a trance. He quickly removed his hand from her grasp and thrust it at her face. “I-I’m sorry! My name is Erwin Smith and i j-just wanted to say that you have the most beautiful bowl cut!” Hillary grasped the hand presented before her and allowed the strong arms to pull her up off of the ground. “Thank you,” she whispered, looking at the Twinkie. Once again, she reached towards her comfort and only joy in life. Before she grabbed it, she paused. Should she let the beautiful eyebrow man, Erwin, take her delicious snack, or simply take it for herself? She sighed and pulled her hand away. As much as she loved Twinkies, she had fallen much deeper in love with the eyebrows she had just met than her daily snack of 43 years. Once again, she sighed in regret. She already new how this was going to end even though it was nice to dream. He was going to confess his undying love for the Twinkie and race off with her heart. She was familiar with this situation, after all, how many times had she experienced this before? She thought back. She decided it was far too many for a young and spry 76 year old like her to have suffered through. “I…” he started. She shook her head sadly. “Yes, I know,” she whispered. “You’re madly in love with the Twinkie. Just take it and go.” His eyes widened. “No,” he whispered. “I love you.” Her eyes flew up to his magnificent eyebrows. “You- you mean it?” she whispered. Taking three long steps he covered the space she had backed away in and pulled her into his arms. “Of course,” he muttered. “What’s not to love?” she began checking off her fingers. “Well, I only shower once a month, I have three species of lice, the last time i brushed my teeth was in 1945, I-” “Shhh…” He whispered, placing a finger over her lips. “None of that matters to me. Besides, I don’t even know what a shower is. All that has ever mattered to me is that your wonderfully styled bowl cut stays safe and never leaves.” Hillary gasped. “B-but how did you know about me?” Erwin shook his head with the gorgeous eyebrows. “I see you in my dreams. I believe from the bottom of my heart that we have always been destined to meet, that this moment was planned out from the beginning of our existence. I honestly believe we are the perfect match, the dynamic duo, the-” “The Kinkiest of Twinkies?” Hillary offered. He glanced at her lovingly. “That’s precisely what I was thinking.” She smiled dreamily up at him. Somehow, fate, destiny, possibly an unhealthy obsession with eating Twinkies at 10:30, had led her to this convenience store at the exact moment that this beautiful hunk of an eyebrow had decided to show his eyebrows there. Hillary knew that from this moment on, she would maybe learn to love Valentine’s Day.

Fast Forward 3 years:

Hillary had just had her first child. It was a beautiful, healthy eyebrow named Damndanielquisha Whipnnaenae Smith. She knew that one day it would grow up to be strong and intelligent just like its father’s eyebrows. She grabbed the baby bottle filled with pureed Twinkie from her nightstand. Erwin had insisted that she get a room to herself, being the kind and compassionate husband that he was. Now that she thought about it though, it could also be due to her incessant snoring and constant sleeptalking. Nevertheless, it was a sweet gesture on his part, especially since they hadn’t exactly planned to get married in the first place.

Hillary spaced out.

She was having another flashback, most likely due to her alzheimers, her neurologist said. This time, it was about the moment she got married. The shopkeeper had walked the back of the store to find Hillary and Erwin aggressively making out with their respective Twinkies. After a few muttered words of disgust, he declared them married to each other forever, regardless of their feelings towards each other. Hillary never found out why the shopkeeper married them, but she was thankful that she didn’t have to resort to torture. According to her last boyfriend, that wasn’t considered ‘healthy’ or ‘normal’ among citizens of the United Steaks of Murca. 

Then Hillary fainted.

When she awoke, Erwin was sobbing at the feet of her chair. He looked up at her, teary-eyed and shouted, “YOU CONSUMED IT!!!! YOU CONSUMED OUR CHILD!!1” Hillary glanced up to the sky and laughed, a hearty chuckle that resounded throughout her room. “Don’t worry, Erwin! That wasn’t our child. It was just a Twinkie.” she said, consoling her weeping husband. Immediately, he stopped crying, feeling foolish for accusing his dear, old wife of eating their child.” He turned to the cradle where his child, Damndanielquisha Whipnnaenae, was curled up, sleeping silently. He smiled. The wonderful thing about having an eyebrow as a child was that they don’t actually make any noise until they hit puberty and turn into actual human beans. He stroked its head (?) softly, making sure not to wake it. Children were so wonderful. “Make sure to eat your Twinkies so you can grow big and strong, Damndanielquisha Whipnnaenae. You are the heir to your mother’s bowl cut,, and you must make me proud. One day, you will grow so strong that you will be able to bench three Donald Trumps. I will make sure your meme game is so strong that the aura of it will send Vladimir Putin scurrying to his Ritz cracker. You will be a wonderful heir, Damndanielquisha Whipnnaenae Smith. I am already feeling pride for you and your future Twinkie-consuming self.  
Goodnight.” Then, giving one last glance at his eyebrow, he returned to Hillary’s side, only to find that she was out cold. His whole family in one place was enough to make him cry worse than an onion stimulated cry. He curled up on the floor like a cat and whispered “Ogres are like onions, they have layers.” Before closing his eyes and falling into a deep slumber.


	2. Beelieve It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hillary makes important discoveries about herself and faces hardships nobody should ever have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm sorry.

It was the 16th of January, 2017. Though Hillary did not know this, it was the day her life would change. She had simply been doing her regular chores around the house when she heard a knock at the door. Smiling to herself, she had assumed it was her husband Erwin getting assaulted by a sack of onions and went to open the door. When she opened it she gasped and dropped her 1.6 quart Cuisinart SmartPower Premier CBT-500BW Blender™.  
“No,” she whispered. “It can’t be.”  
“This mailbox is mine.”  
Hillary clutched the wall as she grew dizzy. The world spun around her and then everything went dark.

When Hillary regained consciousness, the first thing she noticed was that she was tied to a chair. She attempted to struggle against the ropes to no avail and slumped down. It was dark, she didn’t know where she was, and she was pretty sure that she hadn’t gotten to finish her guacamole.  
She heard footsteps and sat up straighter. Then there was a click and a bright light was shining directly into her eyes. Blinded, she turned her face away from it.  
“I’m sorry about the inconvenience, Hillary, but I’m afraid it was all necessary.”  
Squinting, Hillary found the source of the voice. It appeared to be a middle aged man in his 30’s and he was shuffling around some papers.  
“Wh-who are you?” she muttered, her voice hoarse.  
“I am a member of H.I.V.E., the Hella Institute of Very Emportant,” the man said. “We’ve only brought you in to ask a few questions, so don’t worry.”  
Hillary shook her head urgently. “This has got to be a mistake! I haven’t done anything and I have important matters to attend to!”  
He nodded in agreement. “Yes, I realize, but you have to be patient. This won’t take long.”  
She struggled desperately against her bonds. “No! You don’t understand! I have a husband, and a beautiful baby eyebrow! I have guacamole!”  
The man stood up. “Miss Clinton, you have to calm down. Struggling will do you no good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go. I’ll have someone in here with you shortly.”  
He walked towards the door and tears began streaming down her face. Then she realized what he had said. “Miss… Clinton?” she asked feebly. The man turned around and looked her in the eyes, then he shut the door behind him.

Hillary fidgeted nervously. It had been a while since the man had left and she was getting worried. How long would they keep here there? Surely she wasn’t so important that she had to be kidnapped and dragged away from her peaceful life.  
The door handle turned a bit and she jumped. Finally she would get answers!  
When she saw who walked through the door, she gawked. It was a human sized bee? Said bee glared at her from under his shades.  
“Listen here, buzzyboy. I’ll try to make this quick for my sake and for yours. So answer all my questions”  
Hillary blinked dumbly and nodded. “Sure? As long as you let me go,” she said.  
He rolled his eyes. “Your name is Hillary Smith, correct? And you are married to Erwin Smith and have an… eyebrow named Damndanielquisha Whipnnaenae Smith, yes?”  
She nodded once again.  
“You are currently 82 years of age and your birthdate is October 26, correct?”  
More nodding.  
“Wonderful,” he said. “Now my most important question. Ya like jazz?”  
Hillary squinted at him. “What? I don’t understand. Is that code for something?”  
The bee slammed his hands on the table. “JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION,” he yelled. “DO. YOU. LIKE. JAZZ.”  
“Uh sure, i guess,” she said, shaking.  
He nodded once. “Good. There’s still a chance.” He stood up and began to leave.  
“Wait a second! Aren’t you going to let me go? I answered all your questions!” Hillary pleaded, but he ignored her and left the room. She started tearing up again when she heard a dull hiss. Glancing around as much as her restraints would let her she noticed the room was beginning to get foggy. Her vision swam and then went dark for the second time that day.

She blinked her eyes opened and glanced at her surroundings. She was lying on a bed that was most definitely not hers. She sat up quickly and her eyes landed on a woman. They literally landed on her. Both of Hillary’s eyes were mini drones forced into her head during the Cold War, and because she sat up so fast they were flung at the woman. The woman did not flinch. She was strong.  
“You are strong,” Hillary said.  
Still, the woman did nothing. Hillary stood up and collected her eyes from the ground. After carefully placing them back into their sockets, she tapped the woman on the shoulder. Almost robotically, the woman turned towards her. “You must change into some fresh clothes for your meeting,” the woman said, pointing towards a nearby chair with clothes on it.  
Hillary walked to the chair and began examining the clothes on it. It appeared to be a red pantsuit with a pair of short black wedges. She picked them up and turned back towards the woman.  
“May I go to the bathroom to change?”  
The woman said nothing but gestured for Hillary to follow. She lead her down a long hallway, stopping at a door. She motioned towards it and Hillary went in.  
After she had gotten changed and freshened up her stylish bowlcut, Hillary went back to the bedroom where the woman was waiting.  
“What meeting am i going to?” Hillary questioned.  
She hadn’t really expected an answer, but she was still disappointed at the silence that followed her question.  
Once again, the woman motioned for Hillary to follow her, and this time she was lead into a different hallway and into what appeared to be a dining area. There was a man sitting at a table and he appeared to be waiting for her.  
When she reached the table, she sat down.  
“Good evening,” said the man. “My name is Bill. Billiam Clinton. I was named that because even as a young child I had billiams of dollars. You may not recognize me, but I’m your husband.”  
Hillary scoffed. “That’s a lie. My husband is Erwin Smith and he has much better eyebrows than you.”  
Bill raise his eyebrows (the flesh above his eyes). “Of course,” he said. “My apologies. You must not remember.”  
Hillary tilted her head. “Remember what?”  
“It.”  
Hillary stood up and began to leave. She was getting tired of this nonsensical bull heck.  
“Wait,” he said, grabbing at her sleeve and looking down teary-eyed as if this was a shoujo manga rather than a very serious conversation. She dramatically ripped her sleeve out of his grasp.  
“No, Billiam-san. We are no longer tomodachi.”  
He gave her a look of utmost disgust and sat back down in his chair.  
“Did I read the situation incorrectly?” Hillary asked, tilting her head.  
“Yes you heckin weaboo i am so disgusted by your behavior how dare you act like that in front of me.”  
Hillary bowed her head in shame. She had no idea that she would be so harshly judged by this man who called himself her husband.  
Billiam rested his hand on top of hers.  
“Worry not, my love. I forgive you for your foolish ways. Now we must get back to the important conversation we were having,” he said. “Anyways, you must have forgotten about our entire life together and our beautiful dogs Anchovy and Brusselecus Sproutifulton, and our daughter.. “ he looked down at his hand “Chemolithoautotroph.”

Hillary paused for a moment and then stood up quickly. “I’ve heard enough. I simply cannot believe a word you’re telling me! I’m done here.” Holding back tears, she delicately ran out of the room with her arms outstretched behind her. This man, Billiam Clinton, was feeding her lies so that she would leave her husband Erwin, but she would not fall for it. She had no idea why he would try this hard to get her to believe him. She knew she was beautiful and many men wanted to come chill in Cedar Rapids with her, but none had tried this hard to keep her. 

When she finally stopped running, she realized she had no idea where she was. Catching her breath, she examined her surroundings. She was in a long hallway with many doors and a large window at the end of it. Seeing a chance to escape, she hiked up the bottom of her extremely stylish red pantsuit and charged. She leapt high and hard at the window, but much to her dismay, she did not break through like in the cool movies with Jamie Bong. After carefully examining the window for three (3) seconds, she noticed a latch that opened the window. She unlocked it and carefully climbed through, landing on a soft patch of grass. Without looking back, she Narunto ran as fast as she could without a destination in mind. 

After hours of running, she collapsed in the parking lot of a gas station and promptly fell asleep. When she awoke, she examined her surroundings and realized that the gas station looked surprisingly familiar. She darted inside and there she saw it. Her twinkie stand that she visited daily. She collapsed in joy, admiring how beautifully their wrappers twinkled in the LED lights. It reminded her of her dear husband. 

She slowly shuffled forward, arms outstretched towards the twinkie stand. However, as she got nearer she heard a crinkling from behind the display. It sounded like… wrappers? Who could possibly be unwrapping twinkies in secret? She quietly snuck up on the display and kicked one out of the way. Behind it she saw…………….. Her husband and the human sized bee!  
They were snacking on her favorite food without her. Erwin turned to her slowly, half of a twinkie in his mouth. The bee calmly kept unwrapping another twinkie and ate it, all while maintaining the most awkward eye contact imaginable.  
Shocked and offended, Hillary turned away and swiftly walked out of the convenience store. She had only been gone for three days and already her husband was neglecting their child to go crack open a cold one (twinkie) with the boys. She stopped for a moment. Her child! Damndanielquisha Whipnaenae Smith! How could she have forgotten about her darling angel of an eyebrow! She suddenly felt foolish and began running as fast as she could to her home in order to check on it.  
When she arrived she saw that the door had been cracked open yet none of the lights were on. Carefully stepping over the shards of her 1.6 quart Cuisinart SmartPower Premier CBT-500BW Blender™, she walked to the back of the house into her child’s room. She quietly stepped in and saw a girl holding her eyebrow. Not like the one on her forehead though. Hillary’s child the eyebrow.  
The girl turned around and Hillary gasped.  
“Hello Hillary. What a pleasure meeting you again.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. This is my first story on this website (great way to introduce myself) and it was birthed by my procrastination. I hope you can forgive me.  
> Alternate title: Kinky Twinkie  
> -Kei


End file.
